Friday, May 11, 2012

The day I got tased...

I have just finished mowing the grass...front AND back yard.  Why?  Because the Mr. is still recovering from the never-ending-ankle-injury.  He is making progress but still no cake yet.  So I have taken on the responsibility to do all the yard work until he's back in the saddle.  How I wish that it's sooner rather than later.  Anyhoo, I glance down and realize that because of the layer of sweat I'm covered in..all the dead grass bits that were floating around in the air as I was mowing have now stuck themselves to my entire sweaty gross body.  Ugh.  Not that I didn't know I was going to have to shower but because of how utterly filthy I am I basically have to go straight to the bathroom.  Which I do. 

As I hop out of the shower, I pad downstairs with my bathrobe on and throw a frozen pizza in the oven.  No way am I cooking this night.  I hurry back upstairs and check in on the girls in the playroom.  They are nicely and quietly playing a game on the computer.  Together.  Awww.  My sweet girls.  I dash back into my room and am in the process of putting on my shirt when I hear the doorbell ring.  Oh screw it.  Probably a neighborhood kid selling something or the random AJC guy who can offer me a better deal than I'm currently getting.  A few seconds pass and it's now a pounding on the front door.  What the fuck?  I throw on my pants and race down the stairs to give a peace of my mind to whomever can't take a hint.  Imagine my surprise when I see not one but two police officers standing on my front porch.  Uh oh.

"Ma'am, has someone in your house called 911 and then hung up?"  I am shocked.  And furious.  I know right there in that moment who called 911 and she's about to get her little ass chewed off.  "We tried calling your number back with no response." 

"I'm sorry but I have just gotten out of the shower.  I'm sure I know who did this."  I turn around and holler LOUDLY for Delaney to come downstairs.  She comes to the top of the stairs and peers down.  "Did you call 911?"  All the color drains out of her face and she nods reluctantly.

"Look who's here now that you did."  She comes downstairs and stops, horrified to see two police officers standing in the doorway.  Probably thinks they're about to haul her ass to jail.  "We don't call 911 unless we need help because these officers came here thinking something bad was happening and they could be out helping other people."

Both officers were super nice.  They spent a few minutes talking to Delaney about why it's important not to prank call 911.  She apologized and promised them she would only call them if there is a true emergency.  Of course I apologized and took my wet head and freshly showered ass back in the house.  I didn't even have to say another word to Delaney as she promptly burst into tears as soon as I shut the door. 

A few minutes pass and she comes running up to me.  "Daddy's here, and he's talking to the police men in the front yard.  He's gonna be so mad at me!!!!!"

Sure enough I glance out the window to see Doug talking to the officers.  Oh hell.  After a few minutes he's in the house, giving me a disbelieving look.  "I can't believe she called 911.  I asked the police what the heck is going on and they told me what happened and said they had to tase you with a taser gun because you were hysterical."  Oh they did?  Doug is finding this amusing.  Dammit.  I'm still a bit embarrassed so I'm not finding it quite as funny as he is.  Or the police for that matter. 

Moral of the story:  Delaney obviously knows how to dial 911.  Something tells me she's going to think it through before ever dialing them again.  Me...I'm just glad I had clothes on and not the bathrobe.  Never know who's gonna be knocking on your door.


Sarah said...

I know you don't want to hear this but I laughed so hard reading this!! I probably shouldn't because I am sure one of mine will do it one day. Oh yeah and I mowed our grass a few weeks ago-I was covered and dirt and grass but I told myself it was a good workout!

Kim said...

I almost wet my pants reading this post. And all along you thought Hadley was going to be TROUBLE! Miss you at TKD. Fran said Delaney was dropping out. Now what to do without you or Fran to get in trouble with?!