Monday, August 30, 2010

Type 1

Hello blog world! Yes...I have been a slacker lately but as some of you know by now, with good reason to say the least. Last week I spent two days in the ICU at Kennestone Hospital being treated for diabetic ketoacidosis. I have been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and am currently giving myself insulin injections. It has been a very eye-opening experience and I will have much more to say about this as time goes on. For most of the summer, I had been feeling bad. I had extreme thirst and then extreme weight loss. I even had blurry vision a few times and had no idea that these were all symptoms of diabetes. For those of you in the medical profession that are reading this, when I was admitted into the ER my blood sugar was 616. I had no idea just how sick my body was. I was severly dehydrated. The doctors were afraid I would lapse into a coma because of how high my sugar was and how long this had been ongoing. I was so scared. I just wanted to feel better. The next two days in ICU were awful. Really. Awful. I puked. I got all puffy from the fluids. I got visits from a nutritionist. I got visits from a diabetes counselor. At one point I could barely hobble out of bed to pee. I was so dehydrated they had a hard time getting an IV into either of my arms. I had my finger pricked every single hour for the first 24 hours.

In the end though? I feel blessed. I really do. I was scared before I knew it was diabetes that maybe I had cancer. Instead, I have diabetes. And while it sucks that I am on a 1,800 calorie diet every day and I have to count my carbohydrates and give myself insulin injections, I still feel blessed. How can I not? I am still here with my family and friends. It could be worse. There are so many more horrific things that could have happened to me. But here I am. Here is where I want to be.

Thanks to all of you that have sent well wishes and prayers my way. They have helped more than you can imagine. It's nice to feel so loved.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Off to Preschool she goes.....



Today was Hadley's first day of preschool for the 3 year class. Getting big I say! She did so good too! No tears. No tantrums. Got out of the car in car line and went into school just like last year. It's amazing how fast they grow up. My babies. The one thing that pulled at my heart today was seeing Hadley coming out of the school to be picked up this afternoon. I'm so used to seeing her and Delaney coming out of the building holding hands and waving at me in car line. Today it was just my Hadley girl. No Delaney. This was almost my undoing. Because while I have accepted that Delaney has moved on...I still miss her. And so does her little sissy.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Routine...where art thou?

Back to school = one hell of a week! Of course it doesn't help when you have a sinus infection and on top of that I managed to come down with hand-foot-mouth disease. Nice. For those of you lucky souls who've never managed to come down with that, you aren't missing much. It is HELL. No wonder the kiddos are such nightmares when they come down with this. Let me enlighten you. I have blisters on my tongue and every available crevice in my mouth possible. I made the mistake the first day I noticed said blisters by trying to drink a Dr. Pepper. Whoa! It felt like someone had opened my mouth, lit a match and tossed it in. Needless to say, no more Dr. Pepper for a while. Because I've felt so bad lately, it's probably been 2-3 weeks since I've enjoyed a glass of wine. Friday night I finally had a taste for one so I poured myself a glass and seated myself on the couch to watch some TV with Doug. One teeny weeny sip and oh holy shit I just burned off my tongue completely this time. Doug looked at me like I just landed on the couch from another planet meanwhile I'm dying! Dying I say...can't you tell Doug! No more wine. I got coffee this morning on the way to work because thank God I can still drink this without any backlash. Well the good folks over at Dunkin Donuts made it so ridiculously hot that I'm pretty sure it opened up some of the old wounds and even managed to burn off some of my taste buds as well. Needless to say, I need to hang a sign on my back that says, "Caution, keep away!"

So, back to school. Boy has this ever really kicked my ass. I've been getting up every day at 5:30 a.m. I shower and get ready. I go downstairs and get breakfast and lunches ready. I try to remember to start the coffee but I admit, there were a few mornings where it never crossed my mind until after Delaney was safely deposited at school. Like how does that even happen? I know. 6:50 a.m. I sneak into Delaney's room and wake her. Some mornings she's already awake which sure is nice and makes me feel less guilty for waking her. We go downstairs together. We watch iCarly and slurp down our breakfast as fast as we can. Which I have to say, I really HATE. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day and I really dislike having to eat like it's a contest to see who can finish first. I will always lose this game. 7:15 a.m. we head upstairs and get dressed, brush teeth, and make beds. Meanwhile I get Hadley up because she's usually still in bed. Luckily, most of the time, she's already awake and just staring off into space. While I hate to intrude upon her quiet alone time, we do have to get out the door. So up she goes and into the bathroom. 7:40 a.m. we are heading to the car. After yelling and corralling them, we are finally ready to go. Lucky for us, school is about 5-7 minutes away.

While Delaney is away at school, Hadley and I have been doing errands, seeing movies, having a few play dates, gymnastics, grocery shopping, etc. Hadley's preschool does not begin again until Tuesday so we've had a little extra time together just the two of us. Delaney's school dismisses at 2:20 p.m. so we usually try to get there at 2:10 because of the obscene amount of cars in the car line. By the time we usually get up to the pick up area it's 2:40. Ridiculous I say! So by the time we get home and unload it's practically 3:00. Delaney is fried. Mommy is fried. Hadley is just plain happy Delaney is home. Her sister! Her bestest friend! The girls usually retire upstairs to goof off and play. I usually retire to my new best friends...the couch. How I love thee! Always there. Always reliable.

Monday, August 9, 2010

The Sick-O Ward

Things here lately have really sucked. It all started last Monday. With Doug. He started coming down with a cold. I mean no offense by this next comment but it must be said. Men suck at being sick. Downright babies if you want the truth. Delaney and Hadley do sick better than Doug. So the minute he starts getting the sniffles, I'm already doing the sighing and eye rolling. In my mind I'm going to be doing all the bathing, putting to bed, entertaining, etc. until he feels better.

Two days later, I'm feeling like this could be more than your average cold. Doug is complaining that his ears are on fire and he can't swallow a thing without begging for the fire extinguisher. He's also complaining that his calves are killing him but I'm again doing the eye roll because that symptom just seems absurd. I gently prod that he should visit his doctor to find out what disease he's exposing the rest of us to. So finally, on Wednesday afternoon, he sucks it up and makes a trip in to see the 'ole doctor. He comes home 3 hours later armed with a dozen different medicines and antibiotics. But the best part is....the steroid shot he got in his ass. Which is making him limp around like he twisted his ankle. Turns out he has a severe sinus infection and strep throat. Yeesh! Don't I feel a little bitchy for accusing him a being a total wimp.

It's now Thursday morning and I've awoken with that scratchy in the back of your throat feeling. Oh. No. I know what's coming. Doug's damn cold. It's infecting me now. UUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!! I go on with my day and it gets worse as the day goes along. Friday comes and goes and yes, I'm really starting to feel like total absolute walking shit. Saturday morning comes and it's time for work. I can hardly get myself out of bed. I feel that badly. And damn if my calves aren't feeling like lead weights. This must be what Doug was referring to. I suck it up and go to work anyway. I come home to an empty house later on in the day. Thank the Lord! I go upstairs and completely just crash for two whole heavenly hours. I wake up feeling like I just got run down by a dump truck. Sunday comes around and I feel exactly as I did Saturday. Yet, I still get up and make it into work. On my way home I decide to swing by Walgreens and visit The Minute Clinic. After seeing the nurse practitioner it turns out I also have a severe sinus infection. She loads me up with antibiotics and a steroid nasal spray and I'm off.

It is now Monday evening and I'm finally starting to feel a little bit better. This has been one of the worst sinus infections I've ever had. For real. I feel bad for the girls who've had to entertain themselves a whole lot lately just so I can lay on the couch and relax my lead legs. This morning though, as I was feeling shitty once again, Hadley walked up to me with these fake gross teeth we acquired around Halloween last year. Must have been buried in the dress up trunk. Seeing her like this totally lifted my spirits and gave me my first good laugh in days. Kids really do know when to intervene.


Friday, August 6, 2010

Off to Kindergarten she goes....




Today is Delaney's first day of Kindergarten. Oh boy. For all of you that thought I would break down after walking her in to school, that did not happen. I give myself props for that because I too was so sure it would happen. No, I saved the breaking down for after school. I have to say though, I was extremely proud of Delaney this morning. She walked right into her class and sat down in a chair of her choice, and starting coloring her picture that the teacher gave her. Excuse me, Mrs. Robinson. She waved good-bye to me and off I went. What I wanted to do was grab her by the hand and yank her out of school as fast as I could. It's all happening so fast and I'm. Just. Not. Ready.

I was informed that the students are dismissed at 2:20 p.m. Delaney is a car rider. She does not want to ride the bus. Which is fine with me considering school is a mere 5 minutes away. So I pull in the school to get her at 2:17 p.m and the car line is so freaking long that I mentally curse myself for not bringing a magazine or book; something to pass the time. At 2:54 p.m. I pull up to the stretch where the kids are being loaded into their cars. Delaney sees me and breaks out with the biggest sweet smile ever. It makes my heart feel like it will explode. It makes me want to jump out of the car and squeeze the life out of her. But I don't because I certainly don't want to embarrass her in front of the older kids. So we pull away and I start asking a billion questions of which I get short answers and not as much information as I would like. She misses her old friends and teachers. She is in a world now where she knows no one yet. She did really enjoy PE which she actually did discuss in detail. She doesn't like the mean teacher's assistant (which she does not have a name other than mean teacher). According to Delaney, mean teacher put her in time out for something she did NOT do. Very adamant to make sure I understood this. She even gets teary eyed. Of course I am instantly furious with mean teacher. I don't know the full story but Delaney went to preschool for 4 years and I can count on one hand how many times she was sent to time out while there. So now I already have a disliking for mean teacher. I don't want to be that bitch mom that the teachers all loathe and gossip about. But one thing I will NOT stand for is someone being a shit to my kid. So mean teacher....you have been warned!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Disappointment

Over the course of this past week, I have been really down. I mean it. I have felt so down in the dumps it's all I can do sometimes to put one foot in front of the other. But low and behold, I have made it through the week and the burden on my shoulders starts to lift a little and in this moment, I know things will work out and I'll be okay. I have much to be thankful for. I have a wonderful husband who I also consider my bestest friend. I have two very happy and healthy little girls who bring me great joy. My husband has a good job. I enjoy my small part-time job. My girls know that we love them and would do almost anything for them. They're safe. They're content.

What I need to do is to shut out and completely ignore all outside elements that want to hurt our family. I need to remember that some people are just not happy. If they can't find happiness they want to destroy what others have. I know this. I can't let it affect us. We're strong. We'll conquer this too and move on. Putting it down and into words I can see really helps me. I'm able to give my feelings a voice but not direct it to anyone in particular. Because if I gave in and did just that, I would be no better than the negativity trying to hurt me. I'm better than that. We will get through this and be the better for it. Life is full of hard things. I know this. No one said this would be easy. And sometimes life just isn't fair. Life is full of so many wonderful other things, that the bad feelings don't last long. In my heart I know that this too shall pass.