We have a family zoo pass which means we go to the zoo more often than some people would think necessary. The kids absolutely LOVE it. Zoo = carousel rides, train rides, rock walls, goat brushing and so much more. Today though, within 5 minutes of entering the zoo gates, our day almost took a turn for the worse. As we were entering the walk-way that either leads you to the lions or to the elephants, there is a little area of bronze statues of lions (baby lions, lionesses, & of course the daddy lions). The kids are allowed to climb into said area and have pictures taken and sit on the statues if they feel the need. Which they always do. So like every other time, Delaney & Hadley climbed up into this area and plop down onto the statues. Out of the corner of my eye I notice a zoo worker in the corner of this area and upon closer inspection see a turtle crawling around very quickly (considering they're supposed to be slow I was surprised at how fast they actually do move). The zoo worker glances over and sees my girls on the statues and flips out. Mind you, she's about 70 years old or more and she loses her shit with my girls being in the statue area.
Grandma: Oh no! They CAN'T be in here! They have to get out!
Me: Okay girls, come climb down. There's a turtle and you can't be up there while he's crawling around.
Grandma: They have to get out!
Me: Hadley, let's go! (Meanwhile, Hadley is giving me an eat shit look because she is sitting on the baby lion and there's no way in hell she's getting up without having her picture taken).
Grandma: They have to get out right NOW!
Me to Grandma: Excuse me, but we heard you the first time.
Grandma: Oh, I'm sorry but I just wanted to make sure they heard me.
Yeah lady, the whole effing zoo heard you. The girls climb down and this lady who was standing not too far from us with her little girl about Delaney's age, approaches me. She rolls her eyes and says, "How ridiculous! The kids just want to play on the statues like they do every time they come here! That lady needs to give it a rest!" In this moment I love how mothers can come together in times of stress. I look at her and reply, "I know! My kids didn't give a flip about her turtle but just wanted to play on the statues." In other words Grandma, just be glad you didn't actually try to remove my girls with your hands because I would have hated to see how the scene would have ended differently. I can almost picture the story on the 6 o'clock news.
Delaney told me, "Mom, did you know this goat is a boy!" Of course I'm dreading the conversation we're about to be having at the zoo in front of about 20 different kids with their parents. You know, because Delaney is pretty good at pointing out the anatomy of animals and yelling out the correct body part. That damn Breyer horse penis still haunts me. So I ask her, "How do you know?" I hold my breath and wait for it. "Because Mom, it has a beard!" And that I did not expect and it was damn funny!