Thursday, March 18, 2010

The art of solitude


1:20 p.m. Pull into driveway after picking up both girls from preschool. Hadley is whining to me about needing her nap. "I tired." I know kid, me too. As I pull into the garage, I look over and see Doug's car which we never usually see until about 6:30 p.m. I'm excited! Tonight my fabulous husband is treating me to a kid-free night (and adult-free as well). He has booked me a hotel room for one night so I can do whatever I want without interruption. Just to back up for a moment, Doug is leaving Thursday morning to head off for two days to visit a high school buddy that he has stayed close to over the years. They call it their "March Madness" trip because it centers itself around basketball but they basically get together to do whatever they feel up to doing. Golfing. Video games. Movies. You get the picture right? I guess it makes Doug feel guilty because I never really do girl getaways like I want to.

I'm excited when I pull up to see his car because I didn't expect him for at least another 5 hours. Come of find out...he came home early so I could start my night away early.

3:00 p.m. Finally pulling out of the driveway and heading to the hotel. I call my girlfriend, Shona, and we chat nonstop about books we're reading, Henry getting up at night for the last week (her son) and poop. We laugh about how much mothers talk about poop.

4:00 p.m. I have just finished checking in and am walking into my "suite." I'm actually surprised at the size of the room Doug got for me. It has a sitting area, a kitchen (has everything but an oven), bed, bathroom and dining area.

4:15 p.m. I have put away my tiny bottles of chardonnay that I grabbed at Wal-Mart. I plop down on the couch and open my book. I start reading but it only lasts a few minutes because I realize that I haven't been alone like this in 5 years. Seriously. I almost don't know what to do with myself. Almost. I proceed to stick my nose back into book and read.

4:45 p.m. Decide that I should go pick up dinner and bring it back before the traffic gets bad. For those of you that have never lived in or around the Atlanta area, traffic here is hell on earth. So there's no way I'm sitting in traffic on my night alone. No way.

5:00 p.m. Get back from picking up dinner and decide that I'm going to pay $12.99 to watch "Brothers" on the hotel's pay-per-view. Really wanted to watch "New Moon" or "The Time Travelers Wife" again but decided that for that kind of money, I better watch something I've never seen before. And with New Moon coming out on DVD in 3 days, I can wait. Besides, if I start missing Edward I will watch the New Moon trailer and get my fix.

6:50 p.m. Movie is over and of course it leaves me feeling depressed. Any time I watch anything that has to do with the war in Iraq it leaves me completely sad and contemplating human beings.

7:00 p.m. Check my cell phone and see that my mom has called and left me a message. I call her back and we are able to talk in relative peace for like 45 whole minutes. I didn't have to yell one time while talking to her. Nice.

8:00 p.m. Sit down with my book and read. And read. And read some more.

10:30 p.m. Decide that I am tired and really should go to bed at a reasonable hour. Might even be a good chance to catch up on sleep.

7:30 a.m. Roll over to see that I have slept for 10 WHOLE HOURS! Joy! That's all I feel in this moment. Joy! I am so happy. I do not remember the last time I slept for this long. I am amazed at how refreshed I feel. Not groggy. Not even grouchy. I lay still for about 15 minutes before I fling back the covers and make my way to the shower.

9:30 a.m. Doug shows up after dropping off the girls at preschool. We have to trade cars because I've had his car and he's been driving around the mommy-mobile. He brings me my white chocolate mocha & blueberry muffin from Starbucks. Yummy! It's in this moment that I realize that I am truly a blessed woman. I have this wonderful husband who I have been married to for almost nine years. I know how much he loves me. He loves me so much that he's done one of the most wonderful things for me. He gave me solitude. Just for one night but he gave it to me nonetheless. And I needed it. I'm feeling recharged and ready to jump back in the game. It's so hard sometimes to get in the game even if it's going on in your own house. It's hard to admit that sometimes I need a break. A break from all of them. I love them but it's so hard. I feel the guilt. I feel overwhelmed. I know I need to be better about speaking up for what I want. For what I need. So this time, Doug let me off the hook and did it for me. And I love this man for that.

12:55 p.m. Pick the girls up from preschool. They missed me but it doesn't stop them from having the same fights they have every day after they've both been in school. "Mommy, Hadley took the Olivia book and I wanted to read it!" But today, I know I can handle it and I won't let it get to me. I have been recharged.

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